I was mia last week. No real reason, just didn’t have anything good to write about.

Today, I find myself wanting to write, but it’ll be the same things I’ve already said. Only, this time, I need to say all off it.

There’s been a situation in which a person in my life can not seem to let go of the past and continues to stalk and harass me via holier than thou, sitting directly upon a high horse manner. This person, as far as I can tell, is a stupid bitch who can’t seem to get it through her thick skull that while at one point in time, I wanted her a part of my life again, now she’s just a stupid cunt.

Here’s the back story. I’ve alluded to it, and apparently me not dealing with it directly has lead to her believing that she “showed me” and that my leaving my old blog location has “done the world a favor”. Ok, bitch. It’s on.

Last year, at the beginning of the year, I was working for a company. I had been working in that industry for almost 5 years, and at 24 (going on 25), I wasn’t planning on staying there forever. My boss knew this, but he also knew that I deeply loved the company that I worked for and wanted to see it succeed, whether or not I was employed by it. When there were problems, I wanted to see them get fixed. And, more often than not, I would be spearheading improvements.

Well, at the beginning of 2007, I was in a relationship that made me feel like crap, I was working a LOT and traveling a LOT, and wasn’t getting a whole lot of time to take care of myself. Once my relationship ended, my life kindof went in the crapper for a while. I was horribly depressed, couldn’t get on top of my finances, and constantly felt like there was no real reason to get up in the morning. My job was requiring a lot out of me, and while I was enjoying my work, I was feeling very overwhelmed by it. There was always 5 (or 20) things to be done that should have been done yesterday, all the while, the guy who I shared an office with would constantly complain about being bored. I was the bookkeeper and a sales rep, and was also the admin for the database program that would constantly have problems.

So, finally, I talked to my boss. He was a good friend, and I was feeling completely over my head. I needed to go to a doctor and get my depression taken care of. I also needed help with work. I didn’t see this as unreasonable as the guy across the room was always bored, so why can’t he mail the invoices every day?

I don’t know what happened, really. I think that was the beginning of the end. I went to the doctor and started getting my depression dealt with, but my boss and I suddenly weren’t getting along any more. I must have interjected an opinion one too many times, and he decided that my opinion was no longer necessary. I would ask him questions that were common ones, and he would be shitty with me. I mean, I don’t care WHO calls for a late invoice, but if you get mad when I call your customers, then I’m going to ask if you want me to call other customers of yours.

At first, I thought he was in a bad mood and I tried to lay low. I mean, everyone has a bad day (or week, or month) and as a good employee, it’s not my job to call my boss out on being an ass. Well, the bad mood continued, and continued, and continued. I don’t even know when it really started and when it got worse, because it was now just part of my job. Don’t talk to the boss because he’ll be shitty with you. Stay quiet and don’t ask too many questions. Do only what’s asked of you, because now going above and beyond just makes the company look bad.

Yes, we knew stock was a problem. Yes, we knew we were trying to fix it. But, I still needed answers for my customers and was getting tired of playing the game.

Now, I don’t know when I wrote it. But, one day, I was completely over “it”. My boss had said something shitty or done something rude, and I had the urge to run through the office screaming like a maniac. I wanted to quit on the spot and tell them all where they could put their problems. I instead opted to open Word and write out all of my angry thoughts. I was SO mad. I knew that I couldn’t blog about it because my bosses wife read my blog. So, I posted it in another place, saved as “friends only” so that no one who didn’t belong in my circle could see it.

And, I’ll tell you, I wrote some ugly things.

But, no one in my work or social life had access to the post. A couple of friends from High School and College had access to that “friends only” area, but no one who cared about my job or boss or anything. Just friends who could commiserate.

Soon thereafter, I started looking for a new job. I knew that my current situation wasn’t healthy, and I had stopped speaking to my boss months earlier. Sometimes we’d see each other in social situations (poker games and whatnot) and he’d act normal. Then, at work, he’d act like an ass.

So, I found a job, gave my notice, and left. No, it wasn’t the best leaving situation, but I wrote up everything that I did for the company so that my replacement could run the right reports and whatnot from the computer program. My boss left for my last 2 weeks, although I was supposed to be there for 2 weeks after he came back into town. The last thing he said to me was that he hoped that I’d get some work done while he was out of town, he’d be really disappointed in me if I didn’t.

So, I decided when he left the office that day that I would not be working with him when he got back into town. My other coworker would be out of town, and there was no way I could deal with his talking down to me for those last 2 weeks. I had given 6 weeks notice, and only worked 4 of them. I still think that’s MORE than enough.

So, after I left my job, I tried a couple of times to email my old boss (ex-b) and his wife (wifey). They had been friends outside of work, and I was trying to maintain that. You know, no hard feelings and whatnot.

By then, I had decided to move back to North Carolina. As I was clearing my stuff out, I pulled out a bunch of my crafting gear and gave it to ex-b to give to wifey. I knew that she had just had a hysterectomy, and knew how much she loved crafting. So, I literally gave her boxes of stuff to work with.

This is where it goes bad.

Turns out, my boss had been logging my computer somehow. He saw the document I had written months before when I was at the end of my line, and sent it to his wife.

Well, after I left the gifts for him to give to her, she sent me the nastiest email I had ever received in my life. She and I had email interchanges for a day or so. She accused me of going behind their backs and trash talking them to their friends and colleagues. I told her that no, that wasn’t what happened and tried to explain my state of head and heart, but I think that at this point, there was nothing I could have done. She’d send me a nasty email, that I would respond to begging for forgiveness. She would then send an “aww, sweetie, I hope you have a nice life” email while posting on her myspace blog that a “friend” (read: me) shouldn’t write about her job on the internet because she could get sued.

What the fuck?!

So, maybe a month later, I refer to the fact that my old boss had been watching my old computer in a blog post. The comment was a sentence or two in a post that was talking about me needing to grow. She responds by basically taking anything I ever told her in confidence about my own self doubts, and told me that they were all true. She ignored the fact that the post was about SELF IMPROVEMENT and tells me that my blog is angry and that I’m a fat ugly idiot who should just give up. (That’s not exact language, but close). She went on and on for paragraphs, ending in saying that my actions will affect my parents future.

At this point, I realized that she was crazy.

No, really.

I cried. A lot. My mom and dad heard some of my deepest darkest self loathing thoughts, because, really, she had just told me that they were ALL true. And I believed her.

My mom gave me the best advice to give. She told me that the best thing I could do was get rid of that blog and move on. Don’t respond to her, because obviously responding only fuels her crazy fire. Anything I say is used against me in her world. She twisted words and intentions and there was nothing I could do to make her stop.

So… this was back in November, if my memory serves me right. I refuse to look up dates because that would require me to read her words again. They still make me cry, btw.

So, I got rid of eyespeak. And moved here. And put her in my past.

Then there was the youhide incident. I was pretty sure that was her.

Then, yesterday, I got an email from a friend that referred to blog posts she had put up about me on myspace. There was one in December in which she referrs to me as embodying evil. And another from this past Saturday saying that she say eyespeak was gone, and that she had done the world a favor by standing up to me.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?

So, I finally reacted. 4 months later. First, I left her a comment calling her a bitch. HA. She says I’m a name caller, and I say YES I AM. BECAUSE YOU’RE A BITCH.

But then? I changed the placeholder on the old website. Check it out.

And, honestly, I needed to write this out. I should go through, add dates. Quote stuff.

Oh! I know, I’ll quote the blog posts that ended in my response yesterday.

Saturday, February 16, 2008
Public humiliation
Category: Friends

I had this friend that thought it was okay to post on the Internet some truly harsh and horrible feelings about people/work, etc. When someone (me) decided to stand up to her in the arena she chose (her blog) and tell her that her behavior was unacceptable…she vanished. I just saw that today and I felt relieved. I think she’s done the world a huge favor.

When I post it’s to work through situations in a positive way. I work on solutions for myself and perhaps for whoever is reading. I don’t fill my posts with hatred and anger. I don’t lash out at people and call them names. That gets you only one thing in life…..

Public Humiliation

My response? Bitch, you didn’t humiliate me. You harassed me and acted like you had some sort of a high horse that made you better than anyone. And, yes, I call names as I see them. You’re a bitch. The only posts I fill with hatred and anger are the ones ABOUT YOU.

There’s another post over there about friends in 2007 in which she refers to me as embodying evil. I won’t quote it, but I’ll just say that she claimed that the Universe was giving me a lesson that the way I was living my life was bad. WTF?! I was depressed and being treated like shit by a boss when I wrote the angry document.

But, I guess she’s right. I mean, the girl who likes to sew, smoke herb, and play with her cats, is evil. Yeah. Especially when she’s up at night crying about the mean things you said about her and her parents.

Now, I need to point out to anyone who is still reading that this woman is probably about 45. Myself? 25. The only times that I refer to this situation is when she either stalks me or writes lies and bullshit about me.

All I did was write one page almost a year ago that was very angry. I had lots of reasons to be angry. And now, I still have to think about this shit because she’s too much of a child to let it go. And the only reason why she saw any of it is because her husband was logging my computer and sent her a document from my computer. SHE DOESN’T EVEN WORK FOR THE COMPANY.

She’s the only one who ever mentioned it, and has now turned me into the evil wrongdoer. I’m so fucking sick of being sent emails in which she’s referring to me and saying that she DID THE WORLD A FAVOR by standing up to me. In her mind, she stood up to me. In my mind, she took a sentence which referred to something her husband did and turned it into a hate-fest against me. The only person who ever put into public who my old boss was happened to be HER. She would say “how dare you say such things about my husband??” Well, honey, you putting your first and last name on MY blog, outting YOUR husband as my boss, that’s your own damn fault.

And the only thing I ever wrote about him on that blog was the fact that after I was employed I figured out that he had been logging my computer.

And the only reason why I figured out he was logging my computer is because wifey emailed me all pissed off about the document.

And now, almost 6 months after I left that job, she still can’t let it go.

So, here it is. My final apology.

Dear [insert name here]-
I’m sorry I associated you with my frustration towards my job. Obviously that made me evil. And bad. Very bad. I’m sorry that you feel the need to stalk me. I’m sorry that you feel the need to announce to the world that you did the world a favor by getting rid of me. I’m sorry that you act like a 12 year old who can’t get over some words I wrote a year ago. I’m sorry that you have warped those words into every part of my being.
Also? I’m sorry that you’re a bitch.
With no love nor any admiration,
Cassafrass

Hey, maybe she’ll stalk me again and find that letter. If not, that’s ok.

[update: I took the only link from the person in question to her “actual” self out of the post. There was a myspace link here for about a day, but it’s gone. Why? Because time has passed and any inclination I have to “get even” are gone. If you aren’t part of the lucky 2 people to know the real identity of the person in question, then that sucks, doesn’t it? I’ve also changed all the names of the parties involved. There was one incident of a name used, and I promise it was generic.

Also? I am aware of the fact that wifey has created a blog using wordpress to prove me wrong. Whatever. I stopped caring about her around the same time that I published this post initially. It was all out and over. The end. She can have a great time worrying about all of this ::gasp:: drama. She can also eat shit and bark at the moon, as far as I’m concerned.]

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